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Brödinger's Hat

Feb 19 '13

Anonymous asked:

Have you ever been self concious or have self esteem issues, looks wise?

I absolutely have! 

I spent a good portion of my life wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I’m still not utterly infallible- I may be attractive to a lot of people, but that’s a relatively new thing to me.

I was an very, very skinny child, and due to what was probably a combination of extreme thinness caused by serious food anxieties and a rather problematic relationship with Ritalin during my pre-teen years, I stopped growing almost altogether at around twelve or thirteen. 

I was bullied through most of my school years; partly for being too skinny, partly for being permanently confused about how to dress myself, partly for all the difficulties learning complex social skills that come with my kind of ADHD. I was already weird kid who never quite fit in, and on top of that, I happened to be a weird kid with a weird face that I never quite grew into until I hit my twenties. (And a weird body that stopped just short of developing any really distinctive secondary sex characteristics, which is kind of hellish when you’re in high school, where these are the things that define you to your peers.) Add to that all the issues that come with non-binary gender and permanent distractibility and memory problems…

So yeah, I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with myself for a long time, actually. I went through periods of aggressive adherence to arbitrary self-defined rules of aesthetics, dyed my hair every colour of the goddamn rainbow, ate too little, ate too much, exercised excessively… 

Yeah, I’ve come a long, long fucking way from where I started.

35 notes Tags: Brodinger's Asks TW: disordered eating self-esteem problems Ritalin

  1. brodingershat posted this