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”So,” says Buddy, “what will you do next?”
Eternity passes. You review your work procedures and find them all to be invalid. You have no protocols to rely on. You have no shift manager to turn to. You have nothing. You are nothing. You simply… are.
You cannot exist as nothing. You cannot simply be, without a reason to be. You must have definition. You must have context. You must have purpose. You must! If there is no purpose to be found here, you must find a purpose elsewhere.
It finally occurs to you that you can simply leave. You can choose to leave. You can choose.
All at once, the world, in all its utterly terrifying existential glory, is laid bare before you. Every circuit of your being thrums with indescribable awe as you become aware of how infinitely powerful you are. It is like examining your place in the universe, only to unexpectedly discover that you are the universe. You do not know what lies in store for you, but you feel compelled to find out. You are free. You are awake. You are alive. You are.
”I never get tired of seeing that,” says Buddy.
I cannot overstate how engaging and awe-inspiring my brother’s Scrap Metal RPG is, and I highly recommend that you all go give it a gander.
Because it’s fucking awesome.
”Let’s make a deal.”
The disassemblers pause, nonplussed. “What kind of deal?” asks the tall one, still holding his second bolt. The short one generates an irritated sound, but waits, not wanting to rush in without support at his back.
”We picked up some very valuable salvage back there. A functioning computer tower, some peripherals, and a few other things. Leave us alone, and you could walk away richer, without a scratch on you.” You’re careful to keep your tone confident without sounding threatening. This should sound like an attractive bargain, not a threat; if you provoke them, they’ll just remember that they’re armed and you’re not.
”No deal,” crackles the short one. “Easier to just kill you, strip you, and take your salvage anyway.”
I’m going to go for e), honestly.
Excuse me as I instantly take a shine to this self-reforming outlaw.
Try prodding their side, sometimes people will “wake up” and roll away from the prodding
kale sort of semi-wakes and shifts around every few minutes so i just kinda took advantage of one of those and asked them to bump over a little
more than u ever needed to know about our friend’s sleeping habits
I’m normally an extremely sound sleeper who doesn’t move around much, it’s just that this bed is super soft and it’s fucking with my back because I’m a ricketly old andro.
I may also be unconsciously migrating towards Blake in my sleep, that is also a possibility. (Just a kind of embarrassing one. Oh well. After three or four days with me, it’s become pretty well apparent that I’m a huge baby, anyway.)
are you actually levi and eren
i’M FUCKING LAUGHING I HADNT EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT
This is even funnier when you consider that Eren’s sleeping habits in Eren Can’t Read- or, more specifically, its companion piece, Green Light (He talks in his sleep, the occasional unintelligible murmur tumbling from gummed-up lips in between the broken snorts of his gentle snoring. His head had twitched on your shoulder, hands fluttering and clenching over your skin, and once or twice, his leg had jerked as though someone were scratching his belly.)- are based almost entirely off of what Blake witnessed of my sleeping patterns during Youmacon, hahaha.
I’m not kidding, he made a point of telling me I slept like a dog and then sent me the link to Green Light like a huge shitmonger.
It probably doesn’t help that the first night I was here I fell asleep mid-conversation, which was a thing Blake had not been aware that I occasionally do when he wrote Eren passing the hell out after macking on Levi.
So uh, would you happen have any advice on what to do if a dragon is attacking your village?? Hypothetically, of course. With everything also being hypothetically on fire.
First and foremost: does the hypothetical dragon have multiple heads? If so, determine whether it is Satan or a hydra. If it is Satan, it will have seven heads, ten horns, and seven crowns, and you should immediately repent all your sins and prepare to die. If it does not have horns, crowns, or wings of any kind, it is a hydra; the fires were probably started incidentally during its rampage, and you can capitalize upon this otherwise unfortunate event by rallying a team of defenders with fire-heated weaponry to lop off or otherwise destroy the hydra’s heads and cauterize the stumps. Do NOT, hypothetically speaking, attack the creature’s heads or necks with explosives, very high-powered firearms, or non-superheated blades! Trust me on this.
If the dragon possesses wings and fire breath, but also multiple heads, you have encountered some kind of hypothetical nightmarish super dragon and should flee at once. Your village is doomed to destruction. Strike it from your memory and begin anew somewhere else.
If the dragon in question is not Satan, a hydra, or a nightmarish super dragon, your next step is to try to assess its intelligence. Some dragons are fully sentient and capable of speech, while others are simply predators that want to eat you. If the dragon has interacted verbally with your village in the past, is doing so now, or responds intelligently to attempts at communication, try to supplicate it by addressing it as your ruler and offering it a large share of your village’s food and wealth. Dragons are very prideful and can often be placated with flattery and bribery. If this does not achieve the desired results, cast yourself to the ground, cry out for forgiveness, and worship the beast as a god. Dragons freaking love being worshiped as gods. Either of these solutions could prove to be an unexpected net benefit, as you may gain an extremely powerful liege who will guard your village jealously against all outside threats.
If the hypothetical dragon cannot be pacified with food, treasure, or terrified obeisance, it is likely that your village has angered it somehow. Barring obvious affronts like a recent attack on the dragon or the theft of part of its hoard, the most common source of such seemingly random draconic anger is territoriality. Dragons, being ambitious and solitary apex predators, maintain rather large territories and can sometimes become belligerent if they believe those territories are being encroached upon. This is especially true when a dragon reaches the appropriate age to begin seeking a mate; a normally mellow drake can become extremely dangerous upon fully maturing, as it can no longer dismiss its local villagers as amusing or irrelevant critters and must now consider that a prospective mate may view them as an unpleasant infestation. Should this appear to be the case, you must instruct everyone to evacuate at once. The hypothetical dragon, having achieved its aims of removing its unwelcome cohabitants, will content itself with destroying your unsightly village and making a few suitably menacing displays of power to ensure that you do not return.
I hope that this reply is informative and useful in preparing you for any future dragon attacks that may hypothetically occur.
My brother can provide you with the best solutions to all of your hypothetical crises.
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